It's been a while, eh? I seem to have a million thoughts swirling around inside my brain, and I can usually get them to come out easier when I use my fingers rather than my mouth, so here I am. It's funny how I find myself journaling more or blogging when life starts getting overwhelming. I often think that if I look back at old posts....they are probably all depressing because it seems I only write when I am slightly distraught. Owell. Slightly distraught seems to define me today, well, that and slightly airheaded. (I wont deny it)
There might be some things you dont know since my last blog.
1. I'm working full time now. (Technically more than full time...I currently have three jobs)
2. I lost my favorite pair of flip flops. (If you find them...you would be a flip flop rock star in my book!)
3. Eli was diagnosed with CMT, so now all three of our children have the monster.
4. It's official...I do not like pickles. (I was on the fence for a really long time, but I finally made up my mind...I do not like them.)
So, all kidding aside, life is a little crazy right now. Medical bills and bills for leg braces, and motorized scooter, and etc...were overwhelming us. We had two options. One...Paul could quit his job and we would then qualify for disability, medicaid, ssi, welfare, etc...(we would actually have more money on hand if I worked some dinky part time job at a fast food joint and we collected state assistance...sad huh?) or TWO...I could get a job...work for a living...and we could pay our own bills. With a lot of thought and prayer (I'm not gonna lie...option #1 was tempting) we decide to pursue option #2. I guess God agreed because He dropped a job right in my lap and I'm so very thankful!!!
Oh, The Eli thing. Yeah. Heartbreak again. People keep telling me I should write a book. I guess people like sad books. Ha ha ha. Na, in all seriousness...yes, heartbreaking...but not life shattering. It's different with each child. Each one of our kids has such a different personality, and ability to handle their situation. Eli is going through a really hard time right now, emotionally. He doesnt express himself well, he holds things in and waits till it blows him up. (I think it's a guy thing...cuz I know a guy...he may or may not be Eli's father...but probably is...who has a tendency to do the same thing) This morning Eli just, I dont know what to call it...snapped. It was like the eight year old version of a nervous breakdown. He walked to school...well he got half way there, and then turned around, ran all the way home crying his eyes out, flew in the door and ran in to my arms sobbing. I was a bit shocked. That's just not "him". At first I thought something had happened to him on the way to school, but no...it just decided to all come out of him right then. His little life was turned upside down on Aug. 30th. CMT. I hate CMT. But that's not the only thing on his mind. He also has pretty significant urinary issues happening...and we will find out later this month if he will need surgery to repair that issue. On top of those physical aspects of his life, his dyslexia is so strangely disabling. I never knew!! I never knew dyslexia could effect your whole life in such a horrible way. For him, right now, I dont know what is worse..the diagnosis of CMT or dyslexia. He is ALWAYS confused. He doesnt understand things like, "Eli, put this cup in the cabinet over the sink." Over, under, above, below, they are all in this horrible place getting mixed up in the space between his right brain and left! In his sobbing event this morning he said, "I dont understand anything at school!" Now, let me tell you...Eli is VERY smart. He simply gets lost in the millions of directions that most people dont even think about.
So your probably wondering, "Well, what happened? Did he go to school?" (I know you are just sitting on the edge of your seat waiting to hear the next bit, right?) I will presume that you are just thrilled that I am blogging again and tell you...yes, we pulled it together, I drove him to school, and left him with a puffy red face from crying so hard in his classroom.
"YOU HEARTLESS WOMAN!!!"
You have no idea how hard that was!!!!!!! I wanted to hold that child in my arms all day long. I talked to his teacher for a quick minuet to tell her he has having a hard day, then went home and cried out to God while I got ready for work.
Guess what? God heard me. Yup! I know! I am shocked every time that happens too! But it happens ALL the time! Why oh why do I get shocked when it happens? So my friend, God, he made it so that I just happened to get off work early. (I know! He has THAT much clout!..I hear He even MADE my boss!) So, a Little Ceasers hot and ready cheese pizza and I went and had lunch at school with Eli. When he saw us, (Not totally sure if it was me or the pizza he was more excited about) he beamed!
He keeps telling me how he doesnt have any friends at his new school. He talked my ear off at the visitors table in the cafeteria. He said, "I'm glad you came! I actually have someone to talk to during lunch!" Oh..that one broke my heart! But as we stood up with that famous box of $5 pizza, 3 different boys came up to Eli and said, "Whoa! Your so lucky, Eli!" I think that song by Alicia Keys, "Wait until you see me smile" yeah...I think that was written about that moment!
So if I wrote a book (which I have zero ability to do...and I'm pretty sure would bomb at the box office anyway...wait...is it a box office? No..best sellers, right? See...that's why I cant do it...I dont even know the jargon) it really wouldnt be a sad book after all, cuz the hero in our book is God, and God is boss. (as in awesome...like as in the language that teenagers use. Like phat. Do they still say that? I dont know. I'm like totally older than Moses in my kids' eyes.)
So there you have it. A blog. I feel better.
FYI, dont feel sorry for us because of this latest diagnosis. All three kids are going to kick CMT butt. You just wait and see. They are going to defy the odds. They are going to hold on to their muscles with every ounce of character they have. Atrophy shmatrophy. Ya best watch your back, CMT...the Strongs' are comin for ya!