Before I write anything, I must first explain the horrible pain I am currently in. Two ruptured discs in my back are to blame. The searing pain down my leg reminds me every second that I am not in control of my own body. Sometimes my leg just jumps all by itself because the nerve that is being pinched just decides to make a joke! I dont find it funny at all. It's a strange feeling not being in control of my own body. I have found myself in this situation before. Depression rattled my brain for a long time constantly reminding me that I cant fix everything that happens to my body.
Now that I have prefaced this blog with that, I will ask the question that has been torchering me for the past week. Are there things that happen in our bodies that we just cant EVER control...even when other people think we can? If you follow Christian music at all, you have all probably heard by now that Jennifer Knapp is gay. I as a Christian woman am struggling with this new information about Jennifer. I dont think it would even bother me at all, had I not been friends with Jen so long ago. She was a huge part of my life at a time when I needed exactly who she was. She was friends with my first husband, Adam, and they joked with and loved each other like brother and sister. When Adam died, Jen came right away. She was a large part of my healing grief. Not only by being my friend, but also by the message in her music. She sang at Adam's funeral and I loved hanging out with her and some other friends at different music gigs she had around the KC area at the time. I even flew to Nashville and attended her first ever dove awards show and celebrated with her mom and best friends as she won her "best new artist" award. It was all so very exciting. It was interesting to see her on stage and how she was different off stage. Preachers are the same way. Teachers as well. We think we know someone by who they are in front of a crowd, but often times we dont know them at all. I cant pretend to know who Tom Brokaw is simply by watching him deliver the news on television, in the same way people cant pretend to know who Jennifer Knapp is by simply attending a concert or listening to her music.
What confuses me the most is that I feel, and have been under the understanding that, the bible is clear on the issue of homosexuality. From what I have read myself, I feel that the act of sex between two women or two men is a sin. I am confidant in my belief. The thing about Jennifer is this...from my knowledge of what Jennifer has said in interviews, she has not said that she is free of sin. In fact she has eluded to the fact that none of us are free from sin...which is indeed very true. Her newest album is not being marketed as a "Christian" labeled CD...in fact she has said that is not her current genre of choice.
So this is what I am left with. Jen calls herself a "person of faith" and is also labeled a lesbian. I dont like labels and I dont feel any of us should be under a label. I know I dislike it when people attempt to label me. So here is the deal...where I dont feel that Jen is currently living a "Christian" life, I will not allow myself to think that her music and inspiration earlier in her life was not genuine just because she is currently in love with a woman. I also refuse to believe that God wont use her now because of the same issue. I also refuse to judge Jennifer because of her love life.
The more obvious issue to me in this whole thing is not that Jennifer is "in a relationship" with another woman, it is that she is no longer celibate and is sexually active without being married. In the New Testament Paul says that he would rather us not get married at all, unless we can no longer handle our sexual desires for someone, and in that case we should get a certificate of marriage. Does Jen and her partner have this? I dont know.
I am no one to cast a stone at my old friend. I am sad for her that she has had to go down this hard road and Im sure she has more to endure in her life. I will always love her for who she is, not for what she looks like, sings like, or who she loves. I will continue to believe that a physical relationship between the same sex is a sin, but sexual activity between anyone who is not married is a sin and there are many many people who will lobby against her relationship when they themselves are in physical unmarried relationships. So, can we control our bodies at all times? Can Jennifer choose to love a man instead of a woman? I dont know. Im not God. Im not gay, I wouldn't know the turmoil that she has struggled with. I may not be thrilled that she is choosing a lifestyle that I as a Christian feel is appropriate, but that will never stop me from loving her. I hope it doesnt stop you either.
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