First things first.

So, here I am. The start of a journey that I hope will lead me somewhere more than just at my computer. Before I begin, lets get the definition of me...
"Homemaker is a mainly American term[1][2] which may refer either to:
the person within a family who is primarily concerned with the management of the household, whether or not he or she works outside the home[3]
a person whose prime occupation is to care for their family and/or home" ---courtesy of Wikipedia.
So there you have it. That's me..at least by definition. But, what if I told you that yes, I'm a homemaker...yet I don't fit this description? What if I am in the small percentage of women who stay home with their kids, but are honest in saying that I don't feel quite like a homemaker? Yes, "Stay-at-home mom" is another term used to describe the type of person I am. Am I the only one who feels less than thrilled with these current terms? I think not. I know of this war I am in. I am deep in the throws of an all out "mommy war". The working ones vs. the non working ones. I'm considered non working, but my beef isn't with the fact that society perceives me as non working. I know I work. But what if I feel like maybe MY work just isn't enough? Wow, then I would have the "home mom's" growling at me AND hear the "work mom's" roar as well. I'm not saying in anyway that my family makes me feel less than wonderful, my children as well as my husband are extremely fine with the person that I am. I am a mom who stays at home, but I hate housework, I loath laundry, I don't really even like to cook that much. I love spending time with my family..in fact that is why I do what I do, but there is this other part of me...the little voice inside my head that tells me what I do is just not enough. This voice consumes me and says, "How can you expect to SPEND money...yet not MAKE money?" If most homemaker's were honest I think they would agree with me here. Yes, most of us rationalize our occupations by saying, "Saving money is just as important as making money."
I don't think I'm very good at that either. The one thing I do possess is passion. I am passionate about being a mom, I love being married to my husband, and I also love being creative. I am intelligent, well at least I think that I am. I'm not a feminist by any means, in fact I'm an active Conservative. So how can I say that I...an active Conservative stay at home mom...feels like my "purpose" is lost? Oh, did I also mention that I am a christian? Wow, I don't think I fit well into any group. Christian Conservative stay at home mothers should not feel the way I do. I know all the "right" answers here...My purpose lies in my faith, my country is headed down a seriously wrong path riddled with too much tolerance and ill advised liberal feminists who want to throw stones at me just for wanting to not work outside my home. Yes, I said it. Look out, I may say more. But the moral of this particular blog is this...I am proud of who I am, yet I feel less than satisfied with my current occupation. Am I a walking oxy moron? Maybe. But I want to somehow contribute to my families financial status and still be at home to give my kids cookies out of a box when they get home from school and be the one to order pizza online so that it arrives at the perfect time for everyone to sit down and eat it together. So our journey begins.